One of the most common questions that parents ask me is: What if I make mistakes?
My reply: Parents don’t make mistakes, because there isn’t a right or wrong way to parent.
Who decides what’s a mistake? What is often considered a ‘mistake’ in one family or culture is not necessarily so in another. Even in a specific family the parents’ reaction to a certain situation is often perceived differently by various children.
The average parent has the child’s best interest at heart and is at it 24/7, making decisions, reacting and constantly interacting with the child. Objectively speaking, sometimes things can be done differently (especially in hind-sight) but that doesn’t make it a mistake!
Calling it a mistake is judging the parent and no one should be judging the parent, certainly not the children!
There’s a fine line between judging and blaming. The reality that a child can blame his parents for something or other is totally off the mark! Not only because it contradicts the value of honoring parents; it’s simply self defeating.
Placing blame on others doesn’t improve anyone’s life. It just perpetuates self pity and hinders assuming responsibility.
Growing up is an ongoing learning process. Learning to overcome so-called ‘mistakes’ made by parents who love and care for him will give the child the tools to deal with challenges that won’t necessarily involve people who have his best interest at heart in the future.
Most importantly, dear parents, being constantly wary of making mistakes causes an endless cycle of self-doubt and guilt. That’s self-defeating for you and is certainly to the disadvantage of the child.
Feel free to let it go!
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